September 16, 2004

Online Dating Totally Rules!!

That's what we call sarchasm (it's much deeper than regular sarcasm), you know. Online dating doesn't rule any more than regular dating, which by the way, doesn't rule at all. (That's the "new math" at work.)

I actually don't have any dating stories to share right now, I have grown weary of relating each new debacle so I've imposed a little sabbatical and how about how I just said debacle and sabbatical in the same sentence.

In the past year, I have met:

a. A guy who shaves his legs. <-- Not good. I mean, we're semi-socialized mammals (which means it's okay for the women to shave, but not the men....embrace it, okay?).

b. A guy who arrived in his onioniest aroma and who had a cow when he got some mud on his new white canvas shoes. Ok, he didn't really have a cow, but he did spend some quality time trying to wipe it off in the grass, an action I could totally have understood if it had been dogshit. But it wasn't.

c. That reminds me of the time mom was driving me and my friend to high school one cold winter morning. I was scratching my nose when I noticed a pungent stench and couldn't figure out what it was. Silently, I kept sniffing my finger, wondering how and why it could be producing such an odor. It was only when my friend gagged in the backseat that mom realized she had stepped in dogshit. On the one finger, I was relieved to know it wasn't me; on the other finger, it was too cold to roll down the windows, so we rode along with the heat on, the car one big steaming pile of dog poo.

d. A steaming pile of dogpoo, while gagworthy, is preferable to some of the dates I've been on recently.

e. Although, a case could certainly be made for onions over dog poo.

f. Which reminds me of the time that I had a frosty from Wendy's. When I finished, my friend used the spoon and scooped some dogpoo into the empty yellow cup. Then she placed it under the front wheel of Debbie and Dan Zaneski's dad's car.

g. Interestingly enough, my brother had once nicknamed Dan Zaneski "dogbreath."

h. The two events are not related.

I don't really know how my entry about dating evolved into a thing about dogshit, but there's probably a correlation there somewhere.


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