October 04, 2004

Pseudo-Cyber Packrat

Ok, so I'm a packrat. You could ask my mom, but I wouldn't, she's kinda busy right now. Actually at this hour, she might be sleeping. Which is actually even more reason not to bug her, so don't, okay?

I'm not really a cyber packrat...I'm a pseudo cyber packrat. I say this because I have the ability to delete some e-mails. Like I don't keep every one-liner e-mail my friends send me. Then again, I *do* keep every one I've ever written (with a few exceptions. See, I can still lay claim to the pseudosity of it all. And I don't want to hear if pseudosity is not a word, ok?).

Anyhoo...I was looking through some of my old "sent" e-mails to see when I'd last written to a friend when I got sidetracked and just started clicking on random sent mails. Here is a sampling of what has poured forth from my poor carpal-laden fingers. (I mean carpal tunnel-laden, sheesh.) I'll give them titles for easier categorization.

Sample 1 or What wasn't I smoking when I wrote this:
hope you had a good weekend. part of mine was spent at some weird polish bar for a birthday party. there was a polka band and everything. also the barmaids had about as good a grasp on both liquor and the english language as a cement fish lawn ornament might. (no offense to any cement fish lawn ornaments who may have intercepted and read this email.)

Sample 2: Wherein the carotid (I mean careted) text ain't mine:
>I see you're still enjoying info. regarding Chicago fires. It's nice to
>know that there are some constants in the universe!!

thought you would enjoy that. tho for the record (yeh i'm a big stickler aren't i) i think this is the only chicago-fire book i've read. the cocoanut grove was boston, and the circus fire (another great read!) was in connecticut i think. fire scares the bejabbers out of me. consequently, i have no bejabbers...

Sample 3: A kinder, shortler (sic) e-mail:
So there's a story on Yahoo! about how gene therapy has restored a dog's sight. I'm about to go read it..i'm curious as to how they know the treatment was successful. Like did they say, "bark once if you can see where we threw the ball," or what? Gene therapy rules...

Sample 4: The recounting does no justice:
me, not much up here. today i was talking to my boss, he was telling me about how he was going to have to respond to someone's new policy draft for something, and that the guy was probably going to hate him. so i said, "so what if he hates you, everybody" then i stopped abruptly, i'd been meaning to say "dies" as if, like, so what if he hates you, everybody dies at some point. but realized it might be kind of tasteless so i just didn't say anything at all. but my boss..comedian that he is, immediately said, "does" after i stopped. probably a 'you had to be there thing' but it was really funny. "so what if he hates you, everybody" "does." :-) just good timing.

ok i'm not making much sense so i'm gonna shove off.
(off hates it when i do that)

Yeah. I'm not exactly sure what I gained by basically cutting and pasting old e-mail text, but you know, whatever. (Actually I think I just solidified myself as the laziest blog-writer ever.)


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