The so not Write Stuff

So, I just read this headline on Yahoo! -- my homepage of choice, so get off it, Googlefolk, you'll never convert me, never I say! -- that says learning cursive handwriting in schools is losing importance.

Now, I didn't read further than that -- mostly cos it was actually a video link, and if you think I'm going to tax my poor ol' computer trying to open that effer, well, you're just plain outta luck, but also becos, I don't need to read that damned story to know it's probably gonna say something like, "Yeah, cos kiddies are learning computer skillz at a way earlier age."

I could be wrong, but in the event I'm not, I'm going to continue my rant.

First of all, WTF. I'm sorry, but learning handwriting is a fucking -- oops, there's a form of fuck, which as you know = ire of Flapjam -- basic skill that every goddanged person needs to know. I mean, sure, we're all turning into 'bots and everything, but what about the day when we're all plunged into some kind of nuclear holocaust (ok, not nuclear, too extreme, but you get the idea) and we revert back to the days before the digital age was upon us? When we had to scrawl our math homework on the back of a shovel with a piece of chalk or talc or something? Or (gasp) use a number 2 pencil to color in a blob on a standardized test? What then? If all our kiddies know is how to get carpal tunnel syndrome by banging away on a fricking keyboard, whatever will they do?

Which brings me to point number 2, which, as you probably surmised, is personal.

My name is Flapjam, and I have carpal tunnel syndrome. We're not getting into the specifics of just how this occurred, but I gotta say, when I know that kiddies are being trained on computers uber-early, it irks me. Sure, sure, they're going to have to know how to use them at some point, but do we really want to send them down that road so soon? Well maybe we do. I dunno.

But the point is, all this fricking typing on keyboards is bad for everyone's health. I've said it before...sitting at a computer all day, staring at a monitor and typing away is going to cause some bumps in our evolution.

First off, we're paving the way to the compound eye. I mean, I never saw "The Fly" (not a bug fan), but I don't think any of us wants our descendants to look so damned wacky. How will they romance each other? It won't be, "Baby, I am losing myself in your blue eyes." It'll be more like, "Baby, I can't look deep into your soul, but damned if my reflection(s) ain't fiiiiiine!" Plus, can you imagine the glasses they'll have to wear?

Next, folks will have shortened torsos and realllly long arms, a la Plastic Man. (Or is that Plasticman.) Or Dhalsim from Street Fighter. (Except his torso didn't look that short to me and he was awesome at giving noogies.) Actually being like Dhalsim would rock. Beats Blanka, anyway.

I seem to have drifted away from my original thought. Hm.

Well, you get the idea. Teach the kids to write, goddammit. I'm miffed that I can barely hold a pen, and I am especially miffed that it hurts to write a note by hand. I used to enjoy scrawling notes and letters, and now it's painful. My hands cramp up and my handwriting, which was never *that* great, deteriorates the more I write. I know that some cultures don't even have written languages, so everything's passed down orally, but that ain't what we're talking about here. We're talking about my fear that handwriting is going bye-bye, and I just ain't down with that.

I could rant more about computers and spellcheck and shite like that, but why bother. And just cos I'm ranting doesn't mean I don't use computers. So don't call me a hypocrite.

Now, wouldn't it be funny if that video said they were straying from cursive to focus more on print lettering? :D This is what happens when you only read headlines. I don't recommend it, but it's not like I'm writing a thesis here. Besides, I need to take a nap. I will dream of classrooms where the Aa Bb Cc still frame the blackboard, and kiddies learn how to connect one letter to the next. I'll also ponder why the capital G and Z cursive letters are so weird (but kinda fun to make)!

Thoughts? It's ok if you type 'em. After all, we are blogging here...