February 22, 2010

YAGGGGHHH!!! (The Scream)

I'm owning my emotions, okay - this MAKES ME MAD!

Pediatricians Want Redesign of Hot Dogs, Candy to Curb Kids' Choking

Let's see if any of your immediate knee-jerk responses match mine:

1. Hot dogs are an adult food.

2. Just don't feed your kids hot dogs.

3. If you're going to feed your kids hot dogs, how's about cutting them up into small bits to remove (or perhaps lessen) the choking hazard?

4. If you really want to choke your kids, there are better ways to do it.

5. Just ask Nancy Grace or any of her recent guests.

6. I'm not unsympathetic, but Jeebus Christ, what's next? Redesigning the donut? Because those effers are crumbly, and you know, powdered sugar can be dangerous if inhaled.

7. Are you effing kidding me??? Redesign the hot dog?? I already read last week that Sara Lee, maker of the tasty (and in my opinion, best) Ball Park hot dogs -- is going to be reducing sodium in its foods over the next few years. I believe Ball Park is on the list for sodium reduction. Now, I don't know if this means they're just going to offer a reduced-sodium version of el Ball Park hot dogs, or if they're just reducing the sodium across the board, but this worries me. Okay, I just found out more info on Sara Lee sodium reduction. It won't be 'heralded' on the labels and it will be done gradually so folks like me won't notice the change. Yeah right. I'm going to fucking notice the change. I noticed it when they changed the Rondele garlic & herbs cheese, and I could name a number of other foods that have been "improved" or "more healthfully designed with you and your family in mind" but this is the last f**king straw. Guess I better make sure to add more salt to the pot before I cook the hot dorgs.

8. My rant got interrupted.

9. If the physicians get their way, how is this going to affect Takeru Kobayashi and others like him?

10. The hot dog article above also says, "Other high-risk foods include hard candy, peanuts and nuts, even peanut butter." Hey - one of our former presidents choked on pretzels. Why aren't *they* on the list? Oh yeah, because he was an adult. (Discuss amongst yourselves.)

11. SERIOUSLY - WTF! Let's just fucking kid-proof life, okay? Hey Mikey, what do *you* think?


P.S. Btw, what the fuck are people feeding their kids candy for? That's an adult food, too. ;)


Anonymous HG said...

Wow. Here's how I know this is a ridiculous idea: Place that headline in an issue of The Onion. It still works, right? That's my post-modern definition of ridiculous.

And you're totally right. I mean, as you pointed out (hilariously, no pun intended I might add), Dubya choked on a pretzel, so, really, why stop at food redesign with candy and hot dogs (and candy bubblegum resembling a hot dog).

Of course, I think your #3 proposal solves the problem. As a parent, I can attest that I have painstakingly cut up hundreds of hot dogs for my children over the years. Because, um, that's what responsible parents do.

Maybe we just need to educate our pediatricians and parents about being responsible instead of playing the blame game with our food.

Great post. Wish you would post more often.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Jelly-Filled said...

They'd better hop to making some genetically engineered grapes. Those things are choking hazards, too. Actually, while they're at it, they should not sell ANY food that is not in bite-size pieces. Steak? Pre-cut. Bread? Crumbled. Actually, why not puree it all?

4:42 PM  
Blogger Hannah L said...

I'm glad you are back flapjam

4:35 PM  
Anonymous rebecca said...

OMG, people are so stupid!!! And lazy! My kids didn't eat hot dogs very often, but when they did, I cut it up like I cut up all their food! If you're too lazy to cut up a hot dog, you're too lazy to have kids!

5:17 PM  
Anonymous rebecca said...

LOLing at the Onion suggestion, by the way.

5:18 PM  

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