November 18, 2004

All-Staff E-mails: Chapter 1, Take 2

Well, I was going to post the latest all-staff memo sent out by e-mail today, but have been advised by counsel—my co-worker with the mango bucket—that it would be a very, very unwise thing to do. It's too bad. It had some great lines in it. And good advice about not pushing food down sink drains.

I wish I'd saved the one from yesterday about the pop tart-induced toaster fire...but I probably couldn't post that, either.

Sorry, folks. But why not play the Halloween game in the post below, instead? It's not as much fun as reading about dirty dishes in the sink at work, but I'm trying for lemonade here, people...


Blogger Donutbuzz said...

Amazing isn't it, how you cannot post something about your work without fear of reprisal? But it's true. Take it from me, your brother, the employment lawyer. Here are some quick tips for keeping your job safe (at least until someone in the office goes nutso, throws tantrums, and harasses people with nasty e-mails):

Tip #1: Be nice. Simple advice, but often forgotten, especially by the persons who leave first on "Survivor."

Tip #2: Do your job. Usually effective until a new boss arrives and fucks things up for you and everyone else s/he doesn't like.

Tip #3: No internet porn. Not that you would. But, hey, if you did, and you were fired, you know who to call, right?

Tip #4: Keep abreast [sic] of the workplace gossip. When you hear rumblings about yourself, start looking for another job.

Tip #5: Avoid the piss and vinegar types. We're not talking about fish 'n chips here. Stay away from those boorish, contentious types who get everyone fired but themselves.

Tip #6: Kiss ass only when necessary. Not that you would stoop to kissing anyone's ass. But just wanted to mention it for anyone who might want some advice.

And, finally....

Tip #7: Bite your tongue at work. Then use the other 16 hours at home, and using an alias, send your e-mails about your crappy workplace to everyone else.

12:25 PM  

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