September 19, 2005

The agony sans the ecstasy

Yeah, that basically means that there will be a dearth of posts (regular Flapjammers, quit rolling your eyes) due to the fact that I've done great injury to myself, and typing's not so pleasant at the moment.

What happened? I'll tell you what happened. In a moment of brilliance while cleaning out the pantry (or, ok, kitchen cabinets), I decided to get rid of all my old canned goods at once. I know they used to say, "Canned goods will survive a nuclear war," and "Canned goods have an extremely long shelf life" but you know, *of course* canned goods will survive a nuclear war...they're not alive in the first place! And as for the food inside, let's just say that irradiated canned vegetables were never on the top of my menu list.

Anyway the point is, I was finally getting rid of some of this old stuff, and because I was too damned lazy and defiant to make more than one trek down the hall to the garbage chute ("Oh, no, I don't need to make 3 trips, I can do it in one..."), I decided to embody the packmule and take them ALL down the hall at once. Yes, that's right. Little weak me, toting 3 bags full of heavy cans, plus 2 lighter bags of assorted trash. When I passed apartment 508 (that's about 2 doors down from me), I could see that I was pulling to the left a little. I was halfway down the hall, and there was no turning back. So I pressed on. When I passed apartment 512, it looked like my left arm had grown about 3 inches. Either that or I was beginning to channel a lopsided knucklewalker. But I was getting closer to the chute room, and there was no turning back.

When I rounded the corner to the chute room, I could barely lift the heavy bags and stuff them down the chute. But I managed. And la la la, all was well. I thought, "Whee, how wonderful, I can start stocking up anew! This time I will label the cans, oh joy, oh happy day."

However, it was a short-lived jubilation; the pain in my shoulder, back, neck, and left arm didn't show up for a few days. But I can tell you that it's here now. It's not just visiting, either—it's painted a room, hung some posters, and is receiving its mail here. And how do you evict pain when it's moved in like that? Think the Icy/Hot patch'll work? Nope. How 'bout some Aspercreme? Or Ben-Gay? Or heating pads and patches? No, the pain squatter is a force to be reckoned with. The muscle relaxers that I just got this evening dulled the pain for a bit, but guess what? A bit's over.

I really shouldn't be typing all this, cos my carpal tunnel's in full force and I can't take any more pills until tomorrow, when I will enjoy them with a small bowl of Froot Loops. Speaking of which, what the hell has happened to Froot Loops? It used to have just red, yellow, and orange loops. But now there's a frickin' rainbow of loops...blue, green, purple. And yet the cereal tastes no different than it did before. I don't like eating blue and purple and green loops—it makes it harder to tell if the cereal's gone bad.

But you know what? If it has, I'll be taking it to the chute room. Loop by frickin' loop.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Mel said...

Oh, man, sorry to hear about your injury. I hope you get some relief soon. It's hard to enjoy the clean cabinets when you're in pain.

Well, must go to the grocery store. I'm having a sudden craving for Froot Loops.

6:50 AM  
Blogger h. said...

Thanks for the well wishes! :)

And you know what's weird about Froot Loops? They tend to float around in the milk, so it's almost impossible to parcel out a good liquid to cereal ratio.

9:35 AM  
Anonymous Hoyt said...

Get well soon! And eat some Froot Loops for me!

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Hoyt said...

Hey, Alena, keep it on topic, k?

Sheesh!

6:50 PM  

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