Dating advice (sort of)

When on a first date with a guy you've e-mailed and spoken to a handful of times (yet clocking in around 3 hours total on the phone), you still probably shouldn't do any of the following:

1. If you see some plaster-of-Paris-looking crust around a finger or thumb, don't ask, "What happened?" unless you find the word "wart" a turn-on.

2. Upon learning that the person will be leaving town soon for major surgery, and will be gone for quite a while, don't say, "Well, of all the excuses I've ever gotten, that's the best one."

3. However, if you happened to say the aforementioned "excuses" line, be sure to follow it up with an "I'm just kidding," but realize that it may not have helped cement a good impression.

4. Don't talk about colonoscopies.

5. But if you do, shorten it to "scopy" later. It sounds cuter, and may not bring to mind mental images of, um, a roto-rooter.

6. Also don't talk about "enema-things."

7. I just want you people to know that there were actual reasons these things were brought up, there was context, and there was a point to it.

8. Besides, if the guy happens to be a doctor, odds are he's heard and seen much worse.

9. I hope doctors don't read blogs, but if they do, give me a ring when you've recuperated. :)